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Aja liketheSteelyDanalbum
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| This summer fucking sucks. |
[18th.Jul.2009|10:59 pm] |
This summer fucking sucks. I wish I was in Grinnell or Minneapolis or New York or almost anywhere else but Suburban South Jersey.
Might be going to Florida in July. |
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| "I'm Marty McFly!" |
[16th.Jul.2009|11:27 am] |
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Even though it was horrible sometimes, I really enjoyed being a student adviser. I think about it every time I watch 'Dorm Life'. It was fun. Also, I like thinking about how when they're graduating all the first years are going to say to each other (if they're still friends), "Remember Aja? Remember all the hell we put her through? Those were good times. Mostly." |
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| (no subject) |
[13th.Jul.2009|02:30 am] |
I have opinion on what everyone should do with their life but have no idea what to do with mine.
People sometimes come to me for advice
Or maybe they just want to talk and I give them advice. I may be a good listener but I ruin it with talking.
Well, you should all know by now if you come to me with a problem I'm going to try to fix it.
I wonder why I want to fix everyone else's problems. They always seem so much clearer than mine.
I need to come up with a lot of money in a very short amount of time. WWJSD: What Would Joyce Stern Do? |
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| so it goes |
[11th.Jul.2009|05:52 pm] |
I've been taking care of the neighbor's animals. A dog, a rat, a guinea pig, a gerbil, and a lot of chickens. The dog is old. His name is Buzz. I have to pick up his poop. One rooster attacks me. He's a dick. It's weird picking up eggs. There's no carton to put them in.
I have to call Joyce Stern on Monday. |
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| SEND DRUGS |
[7th.Jul.2009|03:39 pm] |
1) Everyone is just doing what they can.
2) I've proud of everyone for trying their hardest.
3) If you're not trying your hardest...why? Why are you not trying your hardest? You suck
4) I spend so much energy trying to ensure people don't know what I think of them, whether it's positive or negative.
5) I don't want to be any more vulnerable.
Small steps. They bring you to the edge of a ledge and tell you, "just take small steps."
When you tell them you're afraid of falling they say you should stop looking down, start looking up. |
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| (no subject) |
[5th.Jul.2009|04:02 pm] |
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One of the things that concerns me most about going back to Grinnell is that there will be no one left to have a crush on. |
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| (no subject) |
[2nd.Jul.2009|02:30 pm] |
Don't know what I'm going to do.
Don't wanna to go back to college. Probably gonna have to suck it up.
I think it's like this; next semester, I can
1)live at home and take some classes and shit like that, or
2)I can ask Grinnell if you can have, you know, an extra YEAR to finish rather than a semester. Then can take 12 credits.
I don't like being here. I like Grinnell, sometimes. I definitely like having a community of people my age to do things with. But I don't have to pay rent here and my mom has kind of been really helpful and whatnot.
So, I don't now what I'm going to do.
On facebook and plans everyone's like, "I'm having a great time this summer, LOL!" and I'm like "I kind of what to die, LOL!" So it's hard for me to talk to anyone because I am thoroughly jealous.
I'm kind of sure that taking 18 credits was a horrible idea.
Thinking about research papers makes me want to cry.
I want to complete college, just not now. But I don't think I have any better ideas. |
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| (no subject) |
[26th.Jun.2009|11:00 pm] |
1) I love Paris Hilton's My New BFF
2) I love Paris Hilton. If there's another season and I'm 50 lbs lighter, I will try out for that show.
3) I am watching [http://www.mtv.com/videos/misc/395251/welcome-to-french-woods.jhtml#id=1612287|this].
4) My greatest strength as a friend is being honest. If you suck at something, I'm going to tell you you suck. If you're good at something, I'll tell you you kick ass. If you need to pull your head out of your ass, I'll probably tell you something like, "Maybe you should calm down and then look at this situation from a different perspective" which is a nice way of saying, "Pull your head out of your ass." This is what I would tell the kids on the above linked episode of True Life:Theater Camp and this is also what I would tell Paris Hilton.
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This last school year will be remembered by people as the year Student Affairs kicked itself in the nuts while students looked on with anger and astonishment. |
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| (no subject) |
[26th.Jun.2009|02:59 pm] |
>It's really weird that Michael Jackson is dead. It's really weird that I'm going to have to explain to my children who he was and what he did and when he died.
>There's only one I can describe this video: gay disco seizure.
>I'm rull happy about the Perez Hilton backlash.
>Also, I may not come back to Grinnell in the Fall. Cheers! |
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| What do I know about anything, anyway. |
[18th.Jun.2009|10:58 pm] |
I'm learning to play Texas Hold 'Em, trying to figure out what to do with my life. I think I might start by figuring out what not to do with my life.
Haven't had a cigarette in about 3 weeks. Only had 2 in the last month. Going to smoke all day tomorrow, though.
Got some money but it's all going to disappear so quickly.
What should I name my new blog? Bitches Ain't Shit? That's not very inviting. My Colorful Life? Sounds stupid. I don't know, I'll figure it out. |
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| (no subject) |
[10th.Jun.2009|08:05 pm] |
I like nerd insults. Plus, I hold little or no hope for the incoming class.:
22630 2009-06-12 15:59:30
z=(50*y)^x
Where x=how many semesters youve attended Grinnell, y=how many times youve posted in the Grinnell 2013 group on facebook, and z=how pathetic you are.
If any of you were around, I'd make you play poker. |
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| Part 3 |
[5th.Jun.2009|01:07 am] |
What I'm going to do:
Suck it up, take meds that make me feel happier, TRIUMPH (which is to say I will reach goals that I myself have bear no actual concern for currently. I will look back on all this and think How silly I was then. Now, I am great.
What I want to do:
Give up. Give up as much as humanly possible without actually dying. I would consider going on a respirator, if was an option.
Plans:
1) Lose 15 pounds
2) Draw. |
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| Part 2 |
[5th.Jun.2009|01:07 am] |
So where I am?
I have no personal space,
I have lots of things in boxes and none of them are the things I want,
I'm up and down mood wise because for some reason I've given up on anti-depressants,
I have no job and I don't really know that I am sane enough to look one, much less have one,
I make no great effort to leave the house,
I should be trying to figure out where I'm going to take classes this summer though really I rather whore myself on unsafe street corners than write another goddamn paper or study for another goddamn test,
My grades were--My grades were marvelous.
My grades were marvelous because I didn't know until now that I was capable of failing academically.
I thought I'd be happy about it.
I'm not.
I have very, very little money.
I am very, very fat. For every $10 I could actually use right now, I have a pound.
None of this should concern me, of course, because I have my family and God and my future and so much goddamn hope and so much goddamn promise. I've got food and a roof over my head and everyone knows, I'm Going to Make it After All because I shit golden heaps of potential, Sparkling Dumps of All the Great Things I Will Be. |
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| Part 1 |
[5th.Jun.2009|12:38 am] |
I want a lot of things that I cannot have.
I haven't kept up with my meds, I don't shower nearly enough.
All my belongings are in boxes. Boxes boxes boxes.
There is so much stuff here. No one uses most of it, it's here to inconveniently take up space. I inconveniently take up space a room in the center of first floor. It sucks and it kind of makes me what to die.
My dad has a room at his house that I could live in, no door handle, no furniture, and he has no car.
What I really want is to be hospitalized. I want to have no concerns or responsibilities except for taking medication at the same time every day (which I am incapable of) and going to therapy. People like me don't get hospitalized because I'm just not at-risk enough. |
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| (no subject) |
[4th.Jun.2009|03:48 pm] |
Drinking on porches is what I wish I was doing this summer.
I need to get a job so that I can eat not-porkchops and be in not-nj. |
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| (no subject) |
[4th.Jun.2009|12:19 am] |
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I realize that most of you probably have seen this, because you guys pretty much are the internet, but I just realized how much this guy embodies parties in Grinnell. Half of my going-out-times have been standing on the side the room with a shitty beer that is quickly going flat, figuring out how to dance with a room full of that guy. I wonder what clubs are like. |
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| (no subject) |
[2nd.Jun.2009|02:04 am] |
Can you imagine the gay community without fag hags? What a fucking mess that would be. All I can imagine is Thomas covered in mud like he was during the mud-dancing outside of Cleveland, only ALL THE TIME.
i wish I was in MPLS so I could go see a Mumblecore movie with Katy and then make fun of it afterward. |
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| (no subject) |
[1st.Jun.2009|01:24 pm] |
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Mostly I don't do anything. My mom is trying to make me do things. I guess I'll have to do what she tells me. |
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| Nuts or Bust |
[27th.May.2009|12:11 am] |
The people that I an immediate feeling of affinity with, and most of the people I have long term friendships with are somewhat unstable. They are all intelligent and don't really know what to do with that. They sometimes are awkward around people and must, must hide in their room.
I really don't know why this is, other than I am also pretty crazy and there's something about my experiences that other people can't understand unless they've been that deep, dark hole of depression. |
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| I got my very own secret! |
[26th.May.2009|11:11 pm] |
22351 2009-05-22 18:52:33
I know your life is kind of fucked right now and you think it'll never get better, but, for what little it may be worth, I have a great deal of faith in you. I doubt we'll keep in touch, but you're unforgettable -- you're one in many millions, and your strength, character, and attitude will keep all that adversity from swallowing you whole, if you believe in yourself as much as I believe in you. Live in a van down by the river if you want, but don't cry about it.
Thanks, anonymous. I don't know if you've noticed, but I only stay this negative for a little while. Mood cycles; one day I'll get the hang of all this. |
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